I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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