the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
