turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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