I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
