I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
