You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
