Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
