I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
