The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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