Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
