hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
