i love accidental penises.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
