man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
