I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
