I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
