I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
