if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
