he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
