I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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