I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
