I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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