Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
