at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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