Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize