We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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