just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
