I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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