I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
