Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
When are your genitals available?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
