Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
