I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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