I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
