6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
