I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
