I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
