his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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