Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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