allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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