Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
