i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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