cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize