Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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