he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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