there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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