Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize