You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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