who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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