i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
