Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
