Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
