i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
