just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
