god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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