TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
