My brain says no but my pants say off.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
