i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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