It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
