I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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