guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Randomize
