worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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