Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina just recognized that song.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
