If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
