Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
