Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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