i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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