i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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