I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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