not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
birth control should be required to get into college
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
