Yo dont text me then not text me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize